ABSTRACT: SnowBurst stunned the investment world when it raised $1.05 billion last week to fight global warming with stardust converted from zettabytes of data exhaust.

April 1, 2022 - SnowBurst stunned the investment world when it raised $1.05 billion last week, becoming the biggest analytics unicorn in history. 

The investment is jaw-dropping considering SnowBurst was incorporated just a month ago and consists of three guys in a Palo Alto garage. The company’s stated goal is to turn zettabytes of corporate data exhaust into stardust that can be used to reverse global warming. 

“It’s just an idea right now,” says 22-year old SnowBurst CEO, Jason Whittlesbee. “But we’re glad for the funding since our garage costs $35,000 a month to rent.” 

Investors who got locked out of other recent analytics unicorns bid up the price of SnowBurst. “We didn’t want to miss out again,” said Eric Fomo, general manager at Sanity Investments, which was one of the lead investors along with DreamBig Holding Co.

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